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And so, the shell is cracking.

Blog entry posted by Clam Chowder, Nov 3, 2014.

Clam Chowder
Getting over the death of my father has not been an easy ordeal. Those of you not wanting to deal with the downs, you may leave.

I'm riding a constant rollercoaster of emotions, I try my best not to express it around my friends, but as of late it's been more and more difficult, it's gotten to the point I've secluded myself from everyone other than the friends I have online.

I've been reliving my father's last hours in the hostel. It's been nothing short of torture, and I wish this ended. The pain is constant, if I don't take my mind off the matter with other things like games or talking to people then I remember it.

When he died, I've been numb. It's like another day, a defensive mechanism probably. But now I'm really starting to feel it, he's gone, every time I hear a sad song, sad music, or when I'm doing nothing, I remember him. The man who I though was invincible is gone, from two years ago me working side by side with him living heavy metal, to me carrying his body down the church isle. The pain I'm enduring now is nothing short of excruciating and tears at my mind constantly.

As a result in this, I'm not doing so hot in school. I'm constantly stressed out and I find respite only in games, talking to people in teamspeak and mumble. Anything to take my mind off the matter.

He's gone. The man who I loved, looked up to, and strive to make proud is dead. I miss him every waking hour.

Thank you for reading this, I needed to vent my emotions. I'll be seeing a counselor soon.

This is all I have to say, I won't have a conversation with you over this matter as I don't feel like talking about it.
Grape, DEvious Pixie, Merlin and 9 others like this.
  1. Brovalone
    I'm not going to console you because that's not what you need. I don't know what your relationship was with your father, and i don't care to know.
    What you need to do is go to work/school whichever and make it your bitch. You need to go out there and put all those feelings into something that matters, because if you don't you're just another schmuck that lost their dad. Let that pain of losing your father motivate you to better yourself.
  2. iProbie
    you know what sucks? everybody dies. except for Neil Caffrey and Ron Jeremy.
    when my grandma died, I grieved for 3 days and moved on, but that's probably because I'm a psychopath.

    hopefully your counselor is a genuine counselor and not some sellout fellow that is paid by Pfizer to prescribe Fluoxetine or Lorazepam.

    stay strong, the cruel truth is that nobody truly cares. everybody got their own problems and they won't attend 100% of the time to your problems.
  3. Merlin
    Clammer bammer, you've got a friend in me. We're all here for you, while I've never experienced the level of what you're going through, I know a lot about loss and would be more than happy to share some advice should you want it. No pressure, all in good time my friend.
  4. Meltdown™
    When I read this, I see someone who is in dire need of a shoulder to lean on, a friend who understands and above of all a helping hand out of the slumber and back onto the feets. I hope you get out of the depression so you can enjoy the life you deserve.
    Merlin likes this.