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It's not hard to fall.

Blog entry posted by Cat, Dec 16, 2015.

One year ago today.

Was the day I agreed to end things with my girlfriend. It ended today.

04/04/2006 The day I met her.
04/17/2006 First kiss.
06/17/2006 Summer camp together.
06/28/2007 We got a cat.
07/15/2008 Away from our families together. In a different city.
12/28/2009 New year. In a different country.


I don't know what to say to be honest. We agreed to have a long distance relationship. We wanted to study in different countries and we thought we'd make it. Well. We moved to states together first. She didn't like it here. ...and I was ok with it. I said "leave if you want to, but I want to stay here for a while" and she did.

It wasn't too hard at first, because we had time for our personal activities. Like a me time. I've never left her side since the day I met her. Same for her.


We're still together. We had those fights where we'd scream at each other for getting drunk/wasted in a party. Or other stupid things. To make it clear, I was a guy who'd wake up in another state, every week. I liked traveling a lot. Sometimes I'd just drive to Canada for a day just to see falls. Anywhere in states. ...Whenever I saw a national park, a place or something interesting I was literally there in couple days...Yeah. Meet new people, listen to their life stories..She was just like me.


Life goes on. Different interests, different "What I want to do when I grow up" ideas. I got busy with my shit this year.


We're still together. She's about to finish her school and looking for some jobs.


I started doing my things. Going pretty well, soon to be better than I expected; however, I need another 2 years to win at life ...to calm down. I don't want to start a family yet, but she does. It's not like I'm broke or anything. According to the researches I made, I can afford a family of 3 by myself easily..but I want more. I don't want to quit at this point. Because anytime I faced a little difficulty in my life of 23 years, I always said fuck it. Never had any responsibilities other than myself and her. We had our 5 years to succeed. I failed.

She's done. According to her, she has everything she already had dreamed of. And she'll be able to make this world her playground.

What I mean by that ?
I don't really know anymore.
I'm not who I am used to be.
I just want this to end.

All I have is a message from her and this.

I want silence.
  1. Deadly Silence
    I see now what you meant.. how precious it is to keep a diary. Not going to say anything about what you said because I can't understand what you've been through. However this was a beautiful story.
  2. Vicarious
    I'm sorry to hear all this Cat. I don't know what to say other than that I'm on steam if you ever want to talk about, well, whatever there is to talk about. Stay safe, man.
    Cat likes this.