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..About myself and my life.

Discussion in Introductions started by Vicarious, Jul 7, 2013

  1. Dec 27, 2012
    Just some boring introduction and a bit of what I've been through, kinda in-depth I guess. I've felt like shit the whole day, and really really really don't want to talk about this to anyone. In the end, it seems like I can't keep this all on my own so I'm going to share a piece of my life with the community I love.
    I just wanted to mention that I'm not seeking sympathy. The purpose of this thread is to keep myself sane, and to let my emotions come out properly..Please understand that.

    I'm a guy in my(not very)best years. I've gone through a lot these past years, resulting in me isolating myself from everyone. Because of this, I've become pessimistic, gloomy and anti-social. I don't want to be like this. But I am, and somehow managed to live like this so far.

    I met my first love in highschool, of all possible places. She was bullied, so I stood up to her the best I could. I never confessed to her, because she had way too much shit to think about. All I could offer were words of comfort for the time being.
    She killed herself.

    Two years later. My dad turned 50 and my step-mom organized a big party. A party for relatives and friends, there were more than 100 people coming over to our house. There were a lot of people I hadn't met since I was a kid, so I was really excited. Almost all people had arrived. Someone called Dad about the remaining guests.
    His mom, my grandmother, died that day due to a heartattack. She died on her sons birthday.

    I had a BFF(best friend forever)named Sebastian, swedish name. He and I were friends since we were really, really small. We were childhood friends, with other words. When we grew older, his parents separated to a city far away from here, so we couldn't talk to each other as much as before. We did talk in skype and facebook, however.
    Around 7 months ago, he killed himself.

    And now I'm on the verge of death, too. I've been diagnosed with Severe Depression. I've taken tests, medicines and also taken part in social activities. I've also visited psychologists, without success. I've had suicidal thoughts for a long time, and there has been occassions where I've been trying to kill myself.

    ..I've lost hope in everything there is. I have lost the motivation to live. I don't fear death and don't care if I would suddenly die. I don't want to feel nor be like this, but I do and am.

    ..Gaming, Anime and Music. Those are my only interests/hobbies.
    I'm going to bed now..Take care every single one of you. Don't be afraid to tell the people you care about how much you love them, because you never know when or if you'll meet them again. There's no shame in giving daddy hugs or giving mommy kisses..It's one of the best ways to show them how much you appreciate your life and theirs.

    Special thanks to Detonator who were the only one who knew(partly)about this and tried to cheer me up.
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    • Feb 8, 2013
      Even though you've never told me the whole story like you did now, with me, I will always be there to cheer you up also. I've learned a lot from you, Seventh, and not only in game, but about life. I'll never forget some of the chats we had together on steam. We've had plenty of fun outside and in. People may not always speak about their personal life to others, but don't forget. You're not alone. Many people, including myself, has a tough life that we simply try to ignore and set aside and just show a smile online, hiding it from people like you said. If you ever have struggles, feel free to come talk with me on steam. Other than that, cheers buddy! Goodnight.:smile:
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      • Mar 14, 2013
        You may not know me, but you need to know that suicide is the last thing that should be on your mind. Dont waste the life that's been given to you. Ive met quite a few too many people with suicidal thoughts, one friend of mine in particular was jut about to kill himself via drug overdose. But was finally able to set aside his suicide attempt by simply talking to myself and others close to him. I believe depression is not an illness, but a strange phenomenon that happens to everyone, myself included. But like my friend, he continues to live today. It's not my place to say what you can and cannot do, but you shouldn't go through with this, there is a reason why you are here.

        If you ask me what "reason there is for living?", i cannot tell you for it is different for everyone of us. But that is why we live for the future, "to seek that which cant be seen". I may be just a stranger to you, but to me your a person, a human being , an individual who's life is worth more then the words that I am currently typing out. I don't know If you are reading this, but you must keep in mind that every person lives for reasons that go beyond explanation.

        I'm quite sorry to hear what happened to your first love. I don't understand her circumstance as you do, as such I can only stress just how much I want you to live, I cant stand the sight of people who want to die, and I'm sure that your love would say the same.

        There's this saying I like to say" yolo" as funny as it sounds, its quite motivational. Think about it, you only live once a life time ( unless you believe in re-incarnation), make the best of that life, for better or worse. You need to look at the positive things you can do while your still alive, in my case thats helping my little brother and sisters enjoy their youths since my older siblings give us the cold shoulder, our parents are in the middle of a possible divorce and ignore us constantly, and to top it off the eldest brother married a stuck up, over bearing and destructive woman who's been reaping havoc in the house and today still. Normally I would've just walked away from all of that, but this time is a little different. I've been proactive standing up for them, taking all the verbal and some physical abuse, but it doesn't affect me knowing that I am protecting those I love and those I know are being wrongfully mistreated.

        Sorry if this post is a bit long, but I really hope you change your mind about suicide. Depression takes on many forms, but you have to fight it.

        "Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
        John F. Kennedy"

        You can take this quote however you feel neccessary, but to me it means understand your past, the good and hurtful memories, to guide you through the hard times of the present and into the future.

        You can call me whatever you feel like saying , but I wont stand watch as someone tries to kill them selves, humans are born into this shit world for a reason, and that reason is for all of us to find out

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        • Nov 11, 2011
          I've known several people in my life who killed themselves or were suicidal. One friend tried to kill themselves on a video chat on Skype, can you believe that shit? Another one jumped head first in jail from the second tier. Several others tried other methods, but suffice it to say, it wasn't pretty. I've put out my emotions on the community I loved and it didn't turn out great because I didn't hide my emotions and made enemies of friends. Don't go down that road. You have friends and you haven't spilled your guts out like I have. What you're going through, many people have felt. I don't see the value of killing oneself solely due to depression. So here is what I suggest.

          One, get out of your environment. Leave your home, pack up and just go. Visit some mosques or buddhist places where they will comfort you and give you clothing, food, and a place to stay for free. Learn to meditate. Going from gaming and anime to meditation, you will feel a huge relief from your worldly troubles. I won't guarantee it, but I can speak from experience.

          Two, do what makes you happy. There is a distinction between being happy with your friends, being happy for your friends, and being happy for yourself. Don't be a negative nancy. Find out what makes you happy that doesn't include games, music, and anime. Get your body out of your house, into the fresh air, travel, go hiking, go watch a sunset, watch the stars in the night sky. You're being unfair to your mind, body, and soul by taking away this opportunity for yourself to enjoy the better things in life.

          We all need a kick in the ass to change our attitude. I always see people saying they are clinically depressed and need to be medicated or just need to end it to make the pain go away but that's just not the case. As humans, we seek an emotional bond, and when we do make one and it is stripped from us, whether it is mother nature or God's Will, it hurts deep man. It is a sickening feeling. The friends in your life and the events that occurred, I am deeply empathetic. It is a terrible thing to go through. But don't let these things be the defining moments in your life.

          You don't need to hear this shit, I'm sure you've gotten this kind of talk before one way or another. But what you do need is a reality check. You're missing out on the world dude. Shit, if you're so hell bent on ending it all, I encourage you to man up and take my advice. Travel. Travel. Travel. Go travel the world. Don't got money to travel? Take a bike, boat, canoe, whatever the fuck you want. You will always find people willing to help you make it through. Ultimately, we all need to enlighten ourselves, music and games won't always cut it. Atleast for me they didn't.

          You desire what I desire but I'm not ending my life purely because I lost people who I called my friends or lost family members (I've lost four family members in one year). It is YOUR life. 7 billion people on Earth, you don't think that you will find another BFF? Or another person you can call your dream girl? Ending it all is selfish. Because you take away an opportunity for other people who would enjoy your company and for one lucky girl to have you. You are a good man, I've said this before. Pull your mind out of the shitter, put on your fucking cowboy hat, and travel. Meet people and let the past be the past.

          It is one of the hardest things to go through, and this transitional phase won't be easy, but it will be worth it. No pain, no gain. You don't need a shitty one liner from me, so here are three:

          “Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” - Joshua J. Marine

          “Just remember there is someone out there that is more than happy with less than what you have.” – Unknown

          "When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

          You know, I've pushed away a lot of people in my life, I went from being such a cool guy to hang around from high school until my sophomore year in college, to being hated by practically everyone. The only people I get along with are people who've been in my shoes and no one besides one or two people know why I act the way I do. And I will more than likely keep it that way until I die. But what you have to learn is that there are other people who are in your shoes and have figured out other means to make themselves feel better and overcome their depression. If you really want a true friend who won't fuck you over, you've got me. I've been called an emo among other countless things, but you know what, fuck them. I know what makes me happy and that shit goes in one ear and out the other. I'll send you my phone number in PM, if you think you're up to giving life one last shot, give me a ring.

          Don't let a couple of rainy days bring you down. The sun will always rise and the flowers will blossom. :cool: Life is beautiful, you just need someone you can bond with and let your emotions out. Keeping it in is the worst thing you can do. I'm here for you pal. Don't hurt the people who love you by going down the path you are right now. Don't let your legacy be, "He hurt me, he didn't give me a chance." And lastly, watch this movie, it made a huge difference in my life and I cried like a little fucking girl when I first saw it:

          If you don't want to watch the whole thing, just watch from 47 minutes and 25 seconds. I really hope you come around bro, I'm not just saying this just to say it. You deserve to live just as much as the next guy. I'm here, and so are other people. Give us a chance, please...
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            sajak, Jul 7, 2013 Last edited by sajak, Jul 7, 2013
          • May 31, 2012
            Bear with me because it's difficult to respond to these type of threads and even more difficult when a friend approaches you in person. I suppose it's better out there rather than suppressed.

            I don't want to know how old you are but I am guessing you have a lot for yourself if you can hang in there. I believe each and every person has lost one or several to accidents and tragedies; I know I have, so you aren't alone on this.

            I would prefer not to share specifics on my personal life because I am not as strong as you but I would like to say this: I am a HUGE believer of science. In nearly all the sciences I have learned there always exists a conservation law. Conservation of energy, conservation of momentum, etc... even in Biology you learn about homeostasis and if your body is becoming hot you sweat to cool down... some say global warming / climate change is in response to our bad environmental practice... everything in life seems to try to approach a BALANCE.

            When I hit rock bottom, when bad things happened, when I felt like there was nothing left for me to live for... that's when I KNEW the really good things were coming up next. It may have not happened right away but as long as I was patient it *would* happen eventually. Hang in there. You are a part of life and if can endure for a little more... even if it's day by day... then you can also know that good things will happen so that nature can balance it out. Even the most unbelievable (good) things happen...
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            • Feb 27, 2012
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                Tony The Tiger, Jul 8, 2013 Last edited by Tony the Tiger!! :D, Nov 6, 2014
              • Nov 11, 2011
                Well, it is almost 5am and I'm on my phone so I wont type much, and excuse any grammatical or spelling errors... I read your response and all I can say is that you are a great guy. I miss our deep, intellectual and emotionally involved conversations. Besides kittykupkakes, you were the only one I could ever turn to in my time of need. I didn't expect our relationship to break off over a word I called you in the heat of arguing. Really wasn't my intention to destroy something I tried so hard to build. As far as your family and growing up, I am sorry about that. I know about your dad, brother, and Uncle way too much and I know the shit you have gone through. It is why I wanted to help you move somewhere else where you wouldn't feel like shit. There are people who would be hurt if they found out you were gone, especially me. You know better than anyone that I might not talk to a person but I always keep tabs on them to make sure they are alright and I still care for them. You are no exception. Your situation and mine are extremely similar, you held them in, I let them out. Now I'm the laughing stock of the community. But if admin is all that you have left, and even though I no longer have my job, I will purchase 3 month admin for you until it expires, then renew it. I'm sorry I was a douchebag but I had no one to talk to since you were the one I looked for advice...and things got out of hand. You should have known me by now but it is alright. Don't give up you little shit, you know we will get through this. You just need to start fresh, finish high school, move, get some advanced welding and metal work courses, get a paid internship, and you will build your career. Not to mention, you're a handsome looking guy, you won't have a problem getting a girl. Just have to be confident. I'm here for you bro, I know I was in the wrong but I didn't know it before. Kitty was right, I always fuck shit up. Story of my life. But you and Vicarious, you need anything, don't hesitate.
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                • Apr 9, 2012
                  Sharing something similar seems kind of unneeded at this point as it is basically the same as what most people have already told up here, but indeed, never ever let suicide be decision to take. There are people out there who need you even if you think there's not, and suicide will just leave them with a sour feeling and pain in the hearth. It is worth their chance of being able to help you and share some warmt and love which you deserve as well!

                  Something different and not really of the same caliber, but similar in the way how much shit can turn up to you is the way I always tried to proof what I was worth in music (for piano and organ), especially for my grandparents and some people I have known. But everytime I was able to really proof anything, or when I finally started the organ, all of these people died or went somewhere else before I could show anything to proove myself worthy. What I mean is, if my grandfather could have known I was playing the organ, that would be the happiest day in his life. Instead, he died just 1 month before that. A month later they said I could start the organ... and now I will never be able to show him something I was doing that he also loved in hearth and passion. The same story happened with my grandmother as well.

                  Also, only after 2 years of playing the organ I already was able to play a piece of final exam of mastergrade, and I wanted to play it on the annual 1-day big concert at school for our school director to show him that organists are finally coming back to the musical world (as they have been extinguishing pretty hard, with the lowest point being 2 years ago where there were almost no organists anymore, students in that case) and he was extremely happy finally someone wanted to play the organ again on that concert, saying he would certainly come and listen to the concert as since 12 years no one ever played the organ anymore. He died that year 3 weeks before the concert...

                  There are a lot of other people I have never been able to proove my worth, each time again. Sometimes I'm wondering if it is something intentional that each time again if I want to proove anything, the chance gets taken away from me.

                  To get to the end of the story, in the end you know... It's just the way it is. I have learned to simply accept that I couldn't proove my worth to the people I though being the most important to proove to. Some people say you don't have to proove anyone anything, only to yourself, which is very right, but I still would have appreciated to be able to show what I can to my grandfather, grandmother and my school director, as now that they are away, it somehow leaves me a feeling of spite, but I can live with it as there is no other way, there is no use doing anything about it. The best way to deal with such things it to quickly let them go, and focus yourself on what is most important, and make sure you have enough fun and distraction next to such things.

                  I certainly have experienced way worse stories than the above, but I told this because it's something seen from a different POV that has not yet been said to this thread.

                  In any case, I wish you all the best from the bottom of my hearth. Try to enjoy each day to the fullest, and keep your head up and smile! It's the only way to keep being optimistic and actually be able to enjoy life as it is, because not doing so and staying in a shell in the dark is dangerous to comfort in, as it is a waste of time for yourself and will just miss you so many wonderful things that truly are out there in the world!!

                  I hope I'm not too direct to the point, but I think being direct to the point is the best way, it absolutely not ment offensivly :smile:

                  I still do it everyday, you should do it your entire life :smile: If there are people saying it's shameful, then be happy that you are not that way :wink:

                  This is all I can contribute towards your light which you can always find at the end of the tunnel :wink:
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                  • Feb 8, 2013
                    I do give my mom hugs and she always begs for kisses, but for my dad, we'll never have physical contact since he's just not that kind of a guy. Older Chinese generation parents are like that.
                  • Feb 1, 2011
                    Vicarious, it's obvious that you are intelligent, kind, and generous. You have so much to offer to others and the world. So many people would be heartbroken if you were suddenly and tragically gone.

                    I know how you feel in some small way though. In my late teens I sunk into a deep depression and considered offing myself on many occasions. My family and friends were what snapped me out of it. I have a large group of people who love and care about me and I just couldn't do it to them.

                    I hope you can find that same clarity of mind and learn to put things in perspective. You're a great person and all of this negativity is purely in your head and a direct result of things that have been occurring around you.

                    Separate yourself from the negativity / bullshit and emerge on the other side more reinvigorated than ever. You're a great person and you should feel as such.

                    Much love,

                    Sent from my SGS3 w/ Tapatalk
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                    • Dec 27, 2012
                      I appreciate all these friendly posts I've been given, thank y'all.

                      This thread was supposed to be very in-depth but I ended up making long story short instead. There are events that I didn't talk about that had a huge impact in my life but I didn't and still don't want to talk about that.

                      I'm going to take my time replying to some posts.

                      Because my lack of motivation to anything, that's not going to happen anytime soon. I isolated myself from everyone because I didn't want to experience what I already have once again.
                      I appreciate the thought, though.

                      I did read everything, and am terribly sorry for what you've been forced to endure. I've been through and still am some weird shit with my family too, so I know what you're talking about.
                      Trying to give you encouraging words but I'm not quite cut out for doing that. Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us, it made me really think a lot about different things. I may not be much as I am right now, but I ain't going anywhere if there's something on your mind.

                      For me, they help as long as I'm busy with either of them. When I'm not, there's nothing.

                      I'm not willing to find a new BFF or a gf. I isolated myself from reality because I've grown tired of having people I love taken away from me. As selfish as it may be, it's who I am. I don't want to be like this, don't want to think like this. But I do. There is nothing called "will" or "motivation" left in me.

                      I had plenty of chances, I'm not blaming this on anyone except this cruel world.

                      ..I appreciate your concern and your opinions, I really do. Thank you.
                      I wish I could say more than that, but I'll just end up discouraging myself and you.

                      I thank the rest of you too. I originally wanted to quote all of you and thank you personally but I'm just so tired right now.
                      As always, take care.
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                      • Feb 3, 2012
                        Vicarious, I remember when I struck into depression a few years ago and the only thing that made me continue on in life was my brother and my dad. I didn't have my mother because she died in a car crash a few months after I was born. My brother and my dad helped me across my depression and told me that many other people supported me through this. You're the kindest person I've ever met on Plague Fest and probably the only kind person I'll ever meet on here. I hope you're life continues well and safe. :thumbsup:

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                        • Sep 6, 2012
                          Hey Vicarious, we've been on the same boat, but you been through more pain than I've been through. I thought of suicide a few times before because I'm not usually happy what life have given me than just unhappiness and pain. But then I realized, that there are other things life has that we can live for.

                          Would it be weird if I said I wanted to meet you? You might think I'm joking, but I'm not. If we know each other more then maybe.. you and I could go to Akihabara in Japan, that's like an ideal place for anime people. It's like a dream and people live for their dreams. I know not all dreams can come true but hey, nothing gonna stop me from dreaming right? You and I are alike, we both been through shit and we both like Highschool DxD, so why the hell not? Hell I'd even pay for your plane ticket if I ever get rich.

                          Anime, you live to watch anime. Whenever I'm bored or down, I just look for an anime to watch. And each year, I live to see newer anime that I would like to watch you know? It's just one of those things you look forward to in the future.

                          We all want to see each other live, and by that I mean your family and friends that cares about you. I thought about suiciding and I was ready to do it one day. But I thought about a lot of things. I had like a flashback moment, I thought about a lot of things that if I die now.. I could see my family and their tears. I could see my friends miss hanging out with me. I could never see anime. And think about this, As much as you don't want to lose them, they don't wanna lose you.. right? And I do fear death because If I die now, I lose my dreams and the things I live for. I've been beaten up by a group from school before, I gotten stabbed before, and survived 3 car crashes.

                          Yet. Here I am. I'm still alive and breathing. I have things to look forward to and I know you do too. It may take a while to recover from depression, but you have people who care for you, even me.
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                            Danmaku, Jul 8, 2013 Last edited by Danmaku, Jul 8, 2013
                          • Dec 27, 2012
                            Thank you. Yes, we are very similar when it comes to anime. It's one of the three interests that keeps me occupied with something and something I really enjoy.
                            I'd LOVE to visit Akihabara someday, with or without company.
                            You seem to be very much alike me in this aspect, which is why I cannot help but to like you(no homo). Close to none where I live shares the same interests as me, which didn't really improve my already well-built wall around myself. I'd love to meet you, in real life someday.

                            ..The problem is, that I'm afraid of making friends. If I had to experience something similar as to what I've mentioned in this thread, I would go insane. Literally.
                            But I appreciate your way of thinking towards me, it makes me feel a bit..happier.:smile:
                          • Nov 19, 2010
                            Hey Vicarious, my first love didn't even look at me when I stood up for her when she was getting bullied but I never gave up on love and realised that sooner or later it will come to you some way or another, you just gotta keep going and don't stop

                            Also recently I went for my army medical check-up and I was told that I did not have a normal heartbeat rate so they asked me to get it checked up. And I did, I found out that I have a hole in my heart(not fatal unless too much pressure is applied) and the only way to get rid of it was to go for an Operation to close the hole. The doctors said that the Operation has a risk of me losing my life so it will be my decision whether or not I want it to be closed, after hearing all of these I got very depressed and I tried talking to my real life friends and hoped that they will cheer me up and tell me that it was all going to be okay. My friends did not cheer me up at all, instead they laughed at me and called me a weakling for being in PES E(Unfit for normal activities in army so I could only do desk work)..after that I stopped talking to most of my friends in school. Being in PES E also destroyed my dream of being a Navy Officer or a Pilot in the air force.

                            After all that, the only way for me to get happiness is through playing games, watching animes and movies and chilling with my buddies in-game. I would like like to take this opportunity to Thank everyone I've met on PlagueFest and I love you guys so much, Thank you PlagueFest for living on since the first time I joined the server in 2009. We'll always be here for you :heart:and if you need anyone to talk to or just be friends with you can add me on steam :wink: and I'll chat with you whenever you want.

                            Cheer up ! :smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile:
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                            • Dec 27, 2012
                              I appreciate your concern and thank you.
                              I'm sorry about your heart condition. I really hope you'll be able to be successful in your career as a Navy Officer or a Pilot, without having the need to worry about your heart.
                            • Oct 17, 2011
                              We all have problems man. I live far away from my parents with my aunt who adopted me. Her husband left her last year and now she is struggling more to help us survive with the help of the law that is providing her with a little money. My mom visited me this year for 3 month and she's going back to Lebanon in 4 days because my whole poor family depends on her over there. In Lebanon, most people are poor. There's a lot of wars going on over there and that's why she needs to make sure everyone is safe especially my grandma who is now 85 years old.
                              Also, i forgot to tell you that my dad has been to Sweden illegally when he was in the army. He went there to try to get a passport because he never even had papers in his own country when he was born. His dad was dead and his mom couldn't do him a passport due to the nb of kids they were and the poorness. What sucks is after 5 years, he was about to become citizen in Sweden and get his first passport. 2 weeks before getting it, he was caught and sent back to Lebanon.
                              My dad was in high military. He was shot 2 bullets in his neck and left lying on the ground beat up. He woke up a month later in hospital. He can't wait and is dying to see me becoming citizen and visiting him again.

                              As for a girl that i liked so much in highschool, her parents were neighbours with my parents in Lebanon and they went to Church together when they were little. She came over my house to do her eyebrows once and i talked to her. I don't know why every day i see her in the hallway, i get so shy and not try to talk to her. I tried following her once down the stairs and tried to talk to her but she rushed and avoided me because she was shy. After that, i thought i would just leave her and not bother her anymore. I've been wanting to talk to her for 2 years and i see her in the hall 5 times everyday but i never got a chance to speak to her.

                              Now, i work at a restaurant under the table to help provide some money for my aunt. I really liked your post her and sharing your feelings with this community and i wish you the best of luck in your life. I've known you for a little while on the server and i was so surprised i've never seen you on the zmp server since you were a DS (no bakstabb clan) nor have i seen another good player that i always argue with @Orange but you two are cool :razz:
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                              • Dec 27, 2012
                                Much appreciated, thank you Mario.
                                I hope not only you and not only your family, but all people in Lebanon to get better economy-wise..Actually, not only that but in all aspects.
                                I sympathise with your family and especially your dad. I hope he gets better very soon.
                                Being shy is nothing unusual when it comes to love. You are shy around her because you've developed feeling for her. If she's shy around you, it's a high possiblity that she likes you as well. If you don't tell her how you feel, then you'll regret it the rest of your life and that's not something you want to live with. Not trying to scare you here, but I know how it is. Have faith in yourself. If it turns out she doesn't feel the same way about you, then you can move on, knowing there's someone else out there waiting for you.

                                As for the ZMP server, I played there a lot and I even saw you playing too. I played under different names, those that I can recall are:
                                Ergo Proxy

                                Take care.
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                                • Nov 11, 2011
                                  That was the case with me until recently. No one could have said anything to have changed my mind so I'll respect your decision and let you come around to it on your own. Friends come and go, I just decided I didn't want any because of the problems I created. But deep inside I really do want friends I can trust but once you push away people for several years like me... it's hard to actually go and make some friends that you will actually keep. I'm not perfect and neither are you, but the difference is that you have friends that care about you, so don't take the cowards way out.

                                  My implication was that the environment you are in is fucking with your head. You aren't seeing clearly because you don't want to see clearly. You're living in your own isolated bubble that is about to pop. I used to love staying in my room all day, laying down, listening to music and bawling my eyes out. But I knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it, it's because it made me feel better. I didn't blame anyone but myself. People will be people and life will be life, you just have to not give up. That's life's rule #1, never quit.

                                  And no, you're not going to discourage me. I've had enough people kill themselves and I've built a thick skin about this shit. The point is, you have people that care about but you pretend we're not "real" people solely because you don't see us or feel us. But we are living creatures who care and take their time out to try and make you feel better. Out of the roughly 230 views (including multiple views) this thread has gotten, you've gotten eleven responses. The rest haven't bothered to give a shit about you, shows a good ratio of the kind of people you will meet in this planet. It's going to be hard to find a BFF or a gf, but you are forcing yourself to feel like shit when you clearly know you can make one. And that is unacceptable. Ultimately, it is your life. I just hope you clear out your head of all thoughts and emotions, and begin fresh. And maybe this is a "taboo" subject but have you given religion or spiritual enlighten a thought?

                                  Also, you may not have told us everything that has gone on in your life. I've known people who've been physically abused or sexually abused by their family members and who've survived a bunch of other shit and went for years without telling anyone. Whatever it is that it is bothering you, like I said, if you want to speak to me in private about it, I'm here for you. The only person you should care about at the moment is yourself. Quitting won't get you anywhere, and what makes you think that death will take away all your pain? I'm speculating life won't end after you die and you're speculating life will end after you die. We can start a whole debate over this using science and philosophy but heh, it's something to think about.
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                                  • Jun 11, 2012
                                    I would like to thank you all for sharing your life story. It puts a human perspective on a internet face and for that I thank ya, you made this community even more livelier. Each of you going through hardship I wish you all the best at whatever you deem to be happiness and I hope that it is on the horizon. Each one of you bring something to the community and for that I thank you. If I can contribute to your happiness, please don't hesitate. Else, I would like to extend my gratitude and utmost respect to all of you regardless of your current standing in this community. I had a blast being around some of you and I hope to interact with some of you even more.

                                    Since I just wanted to post this picture, I fell compelled to write something (which come out quite nice). But without further ado, this was and is my current state of mind. I had a interesting Monday morning due to this thread, but it only makes me even more closer to being a human (inb4 Bender is a robot joke).

                                    My reaction.
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