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How do you help a friend who is abused by her BF and is afraid to leave?

Discussion in Help Desk started by ::1/128, May 17, 2012

  1. May 20, 2011
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    One thing you'll have to remind yourself of is that this is one of the most (for some thé most) disturbing and mindfucking event for most of the girls. I have had to deal with such situations and I couldn't do anything other than listen to em, whenever they wanted to open up.

    And what you should not do, is ask questions about it. I hope you're being serious 128.
  2. Apr 2, 2011
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    I have been through a similar situation. And from personal fuck ups with this. Do NOT get involved outside of what is asked of you by her. Listen, and wait. All I can say. Maybe it is different with your situation... I don't know. But just wait and listen.
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Oct 27, 2010
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      It seems to be at a point where it's life threatening.
    • Apr 2, 2011
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      Call the cops. If it is that bad they need to be called.
      • Agree Agree x 1
      • May 14, 2011
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        Try and get some proof beforehand though, you don't want him in denial and with no proof to support her case, that might make things worse >.<
      • Jul 14, 2008
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        Perhaps offer her a place to stay. If the guy doesn't know you or where you live she will be fine there.
        • Agree Agree x 1
        • Feb 21, 2007
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          Get a restraining order. Cut off contact from the person in question. Offer the girl some safe places to stay (there are also women protection shelters in every major US city, free), tell her to try to minimize alone time in private places (alleys, secluded driveways), arm herself (pepper spray, taser, knife, gun), go over basic safety precautions with her (lock doors always & everydoor, lock windows, pets, basic watching over her shoulder, monitoring vehicles/people outside of her place of residence upon entrance/exit).....in the end, she has to be willing to take a risk, unless you are physically with her 24/7, no one can physically guarantee her safety. All you can do is minimize risk and discourage hostile decisions by the bf (thru her actions as above)
          • Informative Informative x 1
          • Good Idea Good Idea x 1
          • Feb 18, 2011
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            First talk to her. Tell her straight out and bluntly that what he is doing is wrong, and that it can be fixed. Tell her she doesn't have to be scared, and that other people have went through the same thing. Hopefully you can go with her to the police and tell them that she is getting abused. Get a restraining order, press charges, or whatever. If she is worried about where to live say youl help her out (assuming you will) for a little while, even if she has to stay with you for a few days. (What Retslag said is probably the best way to reassure her security.)

            If she doesn't go from the start, then you should get evidence and proof that she is being beaten. Whether it be an audio confession from either party, or witnessing it yourself. I'm not sure about the legal system in this area, so it would be best to consult a lawyer or something. But remember, you have to give her reassurance and comfort even if she doesn't want to do anything. She might be able to get the strength one day to get out of that.
          • Oct 17, 2011
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            You don't need no damn cops. Start whooping asses. Get a shotgun and pop their head off or a sub machine gun and empty the whole thing on their faces and nobody will mess with you again. Ya mothaf***assss!!!! That is exactly what I do if they abuse my girlfriend.
          • Feb 18, 2011
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            I don't think Family Guy applies to this.
          • Mar 12, 2008
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            Do NOT do wat 2nd said. Calling the cops gets you pulled into this crock of shit and I'm sure the guy won't like you too Much for doing it either.

            Listen to her, only talk to her about it if it comes up. Don't ask her anything about it. Some women like to be treated like that, otherwise she should have split a long time ago. If she cares for the guy, that's another reason she probably doesnt want to leave.

            If you make this your problem, you better be prepared to deal with consequences.

            Not trying to be cold here, just telling you how to save your ass in case shit hits the fan.

            Also don't listen to Mario either. He will probably get you shot, or raped.


            Edit: if you plan to help her, at least find someplace for her to go while all this is happening. If she gets really fucked up by The guy, THEN call the cops on him for a domestic abuse charge. They will put him away for a while, but see precautions above.
            Taters, May 17, 2012 Last edited by Taters, May 17, 2012
          • Jul 1, 2010
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            Thats one quick trip to being arrested and thrown in jail, and for a very long time. And in the field I'm in/going in to, I can 100% guarantee it's the truth.

            I had a situation like this too, and luckily was successful. What made it hard is that it was someone I knew in South Dakota (me being in Ohio). Mostly I talked to her when she brought things up to me and made it a point in telling her that she deserved better and didn't need to put up with what he was doing. In my case it was a possession type deal, he didn't want her talking to anyone and didn't want her having any friends and as far as I know it never got to a violent type of situation, so what I did might not necessarily be enough. It took a while (a year if not longer) but in the end she got away.
          • Oct 17, 2011
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            But I am [IMG] and no one can arrest me :razz:
          • Feb 21, 2007
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            forgot to say, these places are for women who are domestically abused and need protection/safe/anonymous place to go while things get sorted out at home.
          • Aug 18, 2006
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            This may be the way to go for her own well being. These kinds of situations are very sensitive, so you need to proceed with caution. If her life is in danger, call the cops immediately. If she gets abused and there is actual solid proof of it (such as video evidence), you may also want to report that to the authorities, as that may be used against him and could lead to jail time (?) - At least I'd imagine so, don't quote me on that though. Can you clarify @Dharkk ?
          • Oct 27, 2010
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            I appreciate all of the advice, thanks.
          • Mar 4, 2012
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            Tell her to get a concealed carrying license and to take some classes not only on shooting but on weapon retention.

            In the end she has to protect herself. No matter how much you help her.