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I'm a mere person who just come and go........

Discussion in Everything & Anything started by xDungeonKittyxッ, Oct 19, 2013

  1. Mar 7, 2012
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    Hello again...

    I had a lot fun playing with Plaguefest but it's not enough to help me to face my challenges. I won't be back playing with you guys and Plaguefest community. I'm sorry.... )'; I thought I could make friends but I just can't. I'll explain my negative side of my life story in short way. The day I born, I born with multiple learning disabilities. While growing up, I started talking and school so late. It's complicated knowing that I born with learning disabilities. Trying to learn new things is difficult. Learning to speak in elementary school, I ended up getting pick on because of the way I talk to them...... While the days passed, I started being quiet and not wanted to talk to people which I'm afraid what people think about me and the way I talk. I managed to graduate in high school but in college, I'm pretty much ruin my life and myself. I'm trying my best to get good grades but my depression and my anxiety is really killing me that I can't take the pain and terrifying memories anymore.. I started hating my life and myself a lot because it was too late now. I haven't learn my mistakes, losing hope, etc. My dad use physical punishment on me when I was a little kid but he still use it even though I'm a young adult. My dad don't understand me and the way I'm living with my life. I'm growing up with negative things; Fears, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, emotional trauma that I can't control my emotional feelings anymore, etc. I always be quiet and shy person to everyone.. I just ignore and hide from people like my friends.. I don't have many opportunities like other does. I'm stuck at home most of the time because of my parents. I hate my life and always will. I don't to be someone that people want me to be like my dad, he's too controlling of my life and scaring me, also threaten me that he will beat me. I hate my dad's strict expectations.. I can't reach his expectations but it's really hurt that he don't care about my choices and always yell at me when I chose my own choices. The physical and the verbal abuse have gotten the best of me easily causing me to feel suicidal and anxious....... I'm going to stop explain.. I'm not in a mood and I am no longer to hide my secrets from people. Deep inside of me, I hide my real self and my difficult life from people. I just smiles a lot at people in real life and online. I feel like I trust you but I don't trust people easily. I have trust issues with people and I'm not a really social person. I don't have the courage anymore..... Sorry about my grammer. I'm too lazy to check it because I want it as freewriting. By the way, All this time I played with Plaguefest seem that I feel like I don't have a lot of friends and making new friends which its didn't improve.... T-T There are few people know about my life but most importantly, my boyfriend know and understand me most of it. Few of you seen me often in Zombie Escape and Zombie mod but you guys barely getting to know me because we don't talk. That's what I feel about people. My thoughts about people are I don't think people care about me or getting to know me. it's just nobody faults because I don't care. Mostly, I can't get over my challenges and my fears.... I'm afraid of people even my boyfriend. Negative bad things is control me and my life which is too late to change because I've been living with my life so long without asking people for help, but I'm trying my best to make my life worth and better. I can't seem to start it right... I'm glad that I found you guys :'] but its kinda bad that we don't talk and getting to know each other... }';

    P.S. I may be back in few days, weeks, months, or years.......
    • Friendly Friendly x 9
    • Oct 13, 2011
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      Kitty pls, I didn't even goomba you yet.
      • Funny Funny x 1
      • Jul 8, 2012
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        If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me. I'm very good at not knowing what to say in situations since I'm so awkward. I'm very awkward. I've dealt with a lot of things. I know similar feelings. You don't have to, but know that there are people in this community that would love to listen or talk with you if that's what you want.

        Sent from my SCH-R970 using Tapatalk
        • Friendly Friendly x 2
          Zenzr, Oct 19, 2013 Last edited by Zenzr, Oct 19, 2013
        • Feb 27, 2012
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          Hearing some of the stuff you've gone through, i really feel bad for you, and i really hope you can get away from your abusive father, make your way through college and graduate, and that you live a well and happy life with your boyfriend and with any friends you have or will make in the future.
        • Feb 8, 2013
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          Overrated. Hear too much of these personal life stories that all seem to be the same. I've offered you and have tried to initiate a conversation with you, you just choose to isolate yourself, keeping everything in a box inside of you. If you ever feel like you're weary of your present, just change your current state of mind and mentality. Good luck.
          • Agree Agree x 1
          • Apr 12, 2012
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            You sound like how she described her dad.

            I pity your kids.

            ======================

            Kitty, hang in there, keep working at improving and stay positive, you can do it xD
            • Agree Agree x 3
            • Feb 8, 2013
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              Open your eyes and read again? If I am in the place of her dad, I wouldn't offer to speak with her.
            • Jul 20, 2010
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              With an attitude like that I can see why she isolated herself from you.

              People that have gone through the hardships she went through growing up tend to not open up to people and live very closed off lives. At a young age if you get beaten by your parents it can have a very adverse affect on the child emotionally, physically and mentally. That can be very hard to overcome if you're talking about years and years of physical, mental and emotional abuse which sounds like what might have happened with Kitty's situation. This scars a person and makes them not trust anyone and it takes a long time for that person to even begin to trust someone again and the moment that trust is broken we generally wall ourselves up and close ourselves up from our friends and family.

              I know all too well what this feels like and the hardship's that go along with it, @xDungeonKittyxッ it is scary to try and trust people and open up to them. But I speak from experience try and open up to people you'll be surprised at how nice some people can be. Yes you might run into people that will make fun of you or cast you aside because of your issues and how you are. But don't let that get to you, if they don't want to accept you for who you are then clearly their not the right person to hangout with or talk to.

              I too grew up in a abusive home, it sucks a lot there is no words to really explain how much pain and suffering you go through those years of abuse. You hide it because you know if anyone finds out the abuse will get worse by your parents. We had to just suck it up and deal with the abuse we received unfortunately. The only thing you can hope for is that the physical abuse wasn't to the point of leaving you broken with medical issues. You can work through it, you have a boyfriend which is a good thing and big step in terms of trusting someone. Just surround yourself with people that will like you for who you are and won't pressure you into doing things your not comfortable with.

              Maybe hearing my story can help you looking forward to a brighter future, I went through a lot and am still dealing with my issues but with time and effort you can too.

              The earliest I remember of the beatings I would receive at the hands of my father was 5, my uncles tell me it was earlier than that around 3-4. I took the beatings until I was 15 and was stronger and taller than my father which then stopped since I made him stop one night. The beatings would be done with anything that he had at hand, be it a rubber hose, a thick rope that he made specifically to beat me with, to a metal studded belt, to simply throwing me down across the cement, kicking me with his work boots, punching me in the chest and back and slamming me into the wall. This carried on for years and I endured the pain, I then had a littler brother and I know he would do the same to him he did to me. So I took it upon myself to take the brunt of the beatings even if it was something my little brother did, because no one should go through being beating by their parents or anyone for that matter when their children.

              I have scars from the beatings and had to take an inhaler throughout my childhood because my lungs were damaged(they still are) from the punches and kicks he would direct at my chest. It made life hard for me, I had no friends in elementary or middle school, I was able to make a few friends in high school because I tried opening up since I saw that some people were actually nice and weren't out there to just hurt you and make you feel pain to amuse themselves.

              I'm still working through my issues about not trusting people or not wanting to go out, I know how you feel about not wanting to go out and just stay in your room. We feel safest in our room because it's where we would hide under our beds or in the closet to avoid getting beaten.

              We hide and smile in front of people and act like everything is fine because we've gotten so used to doing that during our childhood and we continue to do that. We put up an act but on the inside everything is bottled up and we feel sorrow, depression, and useless. But were not useless we just need to find what brings us happiness and keep searching until you find it. Because its's out there we just need to find it, the road might be hard and long but you have to try so you can grow and try to put the past behind you and break the shackles that your parents placed on you from the abuse.

              If you need to talk to someone about it and help on how to work past it you can always pm and I'll respond. You have a boyfriend that loves you and will help you in your times of need. Just don't push him away he's there to help.
              • Winner Winner x 4
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              • Feb 8, 2013
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                Attitude? You're definite that's the way I treat her in game?
              • May 31, 2012
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                [pF] LuciD, Oct 19, 2013 Last edited by [pF] LuciD, Oct 19, 2013
              • Aug 12, 2012
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                good luck in life kitty

                guess October the month people want to say they quit.. who next?
              • Mar 7, 2012
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                Drunk Cat, I don't know what you are talking about. :?


                I hope but I have a bad habit not replying back to people... .-.

                You know too well. ['; Badgiuel. And I pushed my boyfriend away sometimes.... which is hurt... :L

                Orange. I barely remember your chats for me, but maybe I wasn't paying attention to the chat box. :[ If it is, I'm apologize for ignoring you. I just didn't see it. =.=
              • Dec 27, 2012
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                Orange,
                There are people everywhere no matter where you go with different kinds of disorder and such. Saying that this is "overrated" is a terrible thing to say. I know fully well what xDungeonKittyx is talking about and just changing her state of mind is something impossible to do because it hasn't really worked out before so why would it suddenly work now? Maybe it's just that you don't understand how it is in her place but I can relate to it quite well.

                xDungeonKittyx,
                I myself have been depressed since a very, very long time. While we don't really share the same kind of "pain", I do know and can relate to what you're going through and just want you to know that I pray for your success in life. It's a good thing you made this thread, because that ought to mean something, right? You have possibly taken another step without even knowing it.

                Be well, I hope you receive all happiness there is out there. Things will eventually change for the better. Take care.
                • Agree Agree x 2
                • Apr 9, 2012
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                  Ok, this is the X'th time I see someone leaving in the timespan of... 2 weeks. Is this something related to the start of school or what?

                  Anyways, good luck, O hope you come by once again when you feel better :smile: :thumbsup:
                  • Agree Agree x 1
                  • Mar 12, 2008
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                    What a dick. I hope your cat dies.

                    I don't know what's more impressive, that badgirl actually gave useful information, or used correct punctuation throughout his ENTIRE post. +1 good sir

                    @xDungeonKittyxッ You don't know me, and I have no idea who you are, but sometimes talking problems over with complete strangers helps. You never have to go into anything personal, or feel obligated to do that either. If anything, we can lend an ear if you need to vent, or whatever. Take it as it comes. Shit does indeed happen, but you can try to do your best to overcome it. I wish you luck.
                    • Winner Winner x 3
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                    • Feb 3, 2012
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                      There's really no reason to be an asshole.
                      • Agree Agree x 6
                      • Feb 21, 2007
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                        good luck. we will be waiting for you :cyclops:
                        • Friendly Friendly x 1
                        • Feb 27, 2012
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                          For 10 fucking seconds, could you not be a douchebag? Stop being an insensitive twat and just show a little sympathy. Personally i can totally relate to why she doesn't tell anybody about her personal life. For a long time i kept it to myself until i had some people who were interested in my life, and i became a little more confident in letting people know what goes on. She just needs help breaking past that barrier. And to say "just change your state of mind and mentality" is just an impossible thing to do, for the majority of people. You can't just choose to be trusting of people all of a sudden when nobody in your life has ever treated you well and have broken your trust numerous times. To do this and let everyone know, it was probably hard for her and she was fearing people writing something like you just did. And you wonder why so many people dislike you.

                          You have some good truth and points behind things, but most of the time, you just look like a douchebag, and the more and more stuff i have to read from you, the more respect i lose for you.
                          • Agree Agree x 5
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                          • May 31, 2012
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                            Hmmmmm. I got an idea. Go tell this to my uncle. You can probably help him, he's just a "minor" mental health patient who watched a bunch of Viet Cong cook his brother alive with napalm. Seriously, just shut the fuck up.
                            • Informative Informative x 1
                            • Jan 3, 2013
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                              We will miss you!!!! :wave:And good luck!