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Joke of the day!

Discussion in Timeless Trench started by AgoraphobicDream, Mar 11, 2013

  1. Nov 19, 2010
    So the rich man bought his gf a diamond ring and a mercedes,
    the poor man says why did you buy them both?
    the rich man says then if she doesn't like the ring she can take it back in the mercedes and still be happy.
    then the poor man says well i bought my wife slippers and a dildo,
    the rich man said to him, so why did you buy them both?
    the poor man said so if she dont like the slippers she can go fuck herself... :evilgrin:

    My funny joke I shared with Nosebleed earlier!
    Post Merged, Mar 11, 2013
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Aug 25, 2009
      • Like Like x 1
      • Jun 10, 2011
        1. Old

        2. Shouldn't this be in No Count?
        • Useful Useful x 1
        • Dec 6, 2011
          A bunch of random jokes for your viewing pleasure.

          • Funny Funny x 1
            Brett, Mar 11, 2013 Last edited by Brett, Mar 11, 2013
          • Jul 8, 2012
            Haha. I like it.
            • Agree Agree x 1
            • Nov 19, 2010
              A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.‭ ‬A child playing in front of his house saw him and called,‭ "‬What are you hauling‭?"
              "Fertilizer,‭" ‬the farmer replied.
              ‭"‬What are you going to do with it‭?" ‬asked the child.
              ‭"‬Put it on strawberries,‭" ‬answered the farmer.
              ‭"‬You ought to live here,‭" ‬the child advised him.‭ "‬We put sugar and cream on them.‭"

            • Aug 25, 2009
              Where do women with only one leg work?....IHOP
              • Funny Funny x 1
              • Jun 10, 2011
                3 disagrees and yet here we are in No Count.

                I shall accept this moral victory and bid you all adieu ^^

              • Nov 19, 2010
                I think your disagrees were to it being old :wink: cuz it is still a good joke <3
                • Agree Agree x 2
                • Apr 1, 2012
                  1. So an Irish man walked out of the bar...

                  2. A middle-aged man was diagnosed with liver failure and the doctors gave him 3 weeks time before he die. Overwhelmed with sorrow, he slowly approached his son back at home and said to him, "Son, I'm having serious liver failure and I only have 3 weeks to spend my time with you... To comply with our family's tradition, we must celebrate this farewell by drinking." So that night, the father and son went to their favorite bar and ordered pints and pints and mugs of drinks. The father's colleagues at work then came to the bar and asked the pair what's all the heavy drinking about. The father answered "I got AIDS and I only have 3 weeks to live.." The colleagues, overwhelmed with sympathy, decided to join in the drinking and even agreed to pay the tab for the father and son.
                  After all the drinking, the father and son went home and the son asked the father "Dad, I thought you're having liver problems." The father smiled and answered, "Yes I do have liver problems but I want my colleagues to stay away from your mother."

                  5. After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
                  It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
                  He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
                  As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop". He responded "I found the remote."
                  • Funny Funny x 1
                    iProbie, Mar 11, 2013 Last edited by iProbie, Mar 11, 2013
                  • Nov 29, 2012
                    i love the fifth one hahaha iprobie
                  • Mar 12, 2008

                    Okay here's mine.

                    How much does jesus love you?

                    • Friendly Friendly x 1
                    • Apr 1, 2012

                      A barber has innovated a way of shaving his customers' beard. He found out that putting a ping pong ball inside his customer's cheeks causes the cheeks to stretch so that the razor can easily shave the beard.
                      Bob came to the barber for a beard shave and the barber's methods did work! The barber shifted the ball to the left cheek and quickly shaves the left beard and did the same on the right cheek's beard.
                      After Bob is done, he asked the barber, "Aren't you worried that someone might swallow it?"
                      The barber calmly answered "Yes it does happen, but it's not a big deal. In fact, yesterday, Pete my customer, swallowed this exact same ball and returned it to me this morning."

                      Two Arabs were sitting inside a plane waiting for it to take off. Shortly after, an Israeli came over and sat on the empty seat beside the two Arabs. The Israeli took off his shoes to relax a bit and said to himself "I think i'm going to get some Coke" and went up from his seat. The 1st Arab then spits inside the Israeli's left shoe. After the Israeli returned with a glass of Coke, the 2nd Arab said to him "Would you mind grabbing us some Coke too?" The Israeli smiled and get up to get it while the 2nd Arab spits inside the Israeli's right shoe. The Israeli returned with 2 glasses of Coke and the plane took off.
                      Shortly before landing, the Israeli put his feet back inside the shoes and immediately knew what's going on, he sighed and said "How long will this continue on? Why can't we be friends and forget about our hostilities? When will this stop!? All the spitting inside shoes and peeing in Coke.."

                      A 13 year old boy who just got sex ed in school asked his grandpa, "Grandpa, do you still have sex with grandma?" The grandpa said "Yes, but only oral sex." The boy was confused and asked "What is oral sex?" The grandpa said "Well, your grandma said 'Fuck you!' to me and I said 'Fuck you!' as well to her"