Hello, i´m making this thread more to talk to someone about my past, because its been a dark time for me and i need to talk about. When i was a young boy, i used to get really pissed off by nothing, like, throwing things around and beating my mom and stuff, i was the fucking devil. So, my mom took me to a neuro and he passed a medication and that was only the beginning. When i was 12 i started to feel some mood changes, i was getting really angry and really sad by nothing and that scared the hell off me, because in one minute i was ok and the next i was hitting walls in public so i asked my mom to take me to the psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder(with i dont have), and told me to take lithium, depakote, ansitec and xanax. So after some time i got worst and started to cut myself, i have scars all around my arm, legs and chest when i was 14 i quit the meds all by myself because the doctor said ''it's only because you´re a teen, will pass'' he said that in front of me and my mom, he was a son of a bitch. When i was 16 i returned to a new doc and she passed me lithium, fluvoxamine and zap. After some time, my best friend tryed to kill herself, and i got worst after that, thats why i use (depressed) in game. I have tons of pills and i can kill myself anytime i want. But i can´t do that, because i have a dream to become a musician and save people like me. I´m still a cutter, i still can´t get out of my bed sometimes, sometimes i feel without energy and i still think about killing myself 24/7(only when i play with you guys i forget this shit). And i feel guilty, because the pills are fucking expansive, my parents give all they can to help me, and they have a son with: Social Phobia, ADD, Cronic depression and cronic anxiety and panic syndrom. I feel sad, because i can´t save my friend if she try to kill herself again. I feel horrible because sometimes, i feel that im not a good person, i feel like shit because i get scared around too many people and sometimes i can´t even get out of my house to hang out with my friends, and i´m crying right now, and no, i´m not an attention whore. I´m just a kid and life, life seens like a fucking nightmare that i cant wake up. Thanks for reading.