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My history

Discussion in Introductions started by KillerMp3, Mar 14, 2015

  1. Apr 18, 2014
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    Hello, i´m making this thread more to talk to someone about my past, because its been a dark time for me and i need to talk about.
    When i was a young boy, i used to get really pissed off by nothing, like, throwing things around and beating my mom and stuff, i was the fucking devil. So, my mom took me to a neuro and he passed a medication and that was only the beginning.
    When i was 12 i started to feel some mood changes, i was getting really angry and really sad by nothing and that scared the hell off me, because in one minute i was ok and the next i was hitting walls in public so i asked my mom to take me to the psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with bipolar disorder(with i dont have), and told me to take lithium, depakote, ansitec and xanax. So after some time i got worst and started to cut myself, i have scars all around my arm, legs and chest when i was 14 i quit the meds all by myself because the doctor said ''it's only because you´re a teen, will pass'' he said that in front of me and my mom, he was a son of a bitch.
    When i was 16 i returned to a new doc and she passed me lithium, fluvoxamine and zap. After some time, my best friend tryed to kill herself, and i got worst after that, thats why i use (depressed) in game. I have tons of pills and i can kill myself anytime i want. But i can´t do that, because i have a dream to become a musician and save people like me. I´m still a cutter, i still can´t get out of my bed sometimes, sometimes i feel without energy and i still think about killing myself 24/7(only when i play with you guys i forget this shit). And i feel guilty, because the pills are fucking expansive, my parents give all they can to help me, and they have a son with: Social Phobia, ADD, Cronic depression and cronic anxiety and panic syndrom. I feel sad, because i can´t save my friend if she try to kill herself again. I feel horrible because sometimes, i feel that im not a good person, i feel like shit because i get scared around too many people and sometimes i can´t even get out of my house to hang out with my friends, and i´m crying right now, and no, i´m not an attention whore. I´m just a kid and life, life seens like a fucking nightmare that i cant wake up. Thanks for reading.
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • Feb 8, 2013
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      Ok, you feel...
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Nov 29, 2012
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        Love you killer, be strong bud. Everything will be okay. <3 Never feel weak for crying, it's human. And don't hate yourself for not being able to help everyone. It's tough, and when people are ready for help they will accept help. Stick to your dream and I promise you will succeed in it, don't give up. You will find true happiness and all this pain will be worth it. Life isn't meant to be easy. It's tough in a different way for everyone but it's all just a big test to see if we're worthy to live the lives we do. Remember, endure and survive.
        • Friendly Friendly x 1
        • Apr 18, 2014
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          Thanks so much <333
        • Oct 24, 2014
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          Killer, I've been through the cutting phase myself when I was about 13, can you believe I did it because my parents wouldn't let me board to a plane to oregon from kansas to visit a girl that I thought I was in love with? Anyways I don't believe in medications, I believe they'll only make you feel worse when you begin them or when you stop taking them. Alot of us care about you killer, Some of us will tell you so, some might think it's not cool to express our feelings toward you. Just remember that everyone feels like they don't fit in, most don't express it, but we're all there with you killer. It's a natural feeling to do that when you're young <3
          • Friendly Friendly x 1
          • Apr 18, 2014
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            I love you so much <3 thanks for everything <3
          • Nov 18, 2013
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            You are pretty cool, imo.

            There is no reason to kill yourself, ever.

            A wise person once told me that killing yourself is the way to never see how your life will turn out. You will miss out on friends, events, and loved ones in your life. You will never be destined to become the person you were meant to be. Remember that and you will be fine.
            • Friendly Friendly x 1
            • Feb 2, 2014
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              Listen to music.
              • Agree Agree x 2
              • Oct 24, 2014
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                Killer's fine. He's a great guy, he just had to realize how every single person goes through the same thing he is. He's still special to me :smile:
                • Friendly Friendly x 1
                • Mar 10, 2014
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                  Im very sorry to hear all youve gone thru. Know that me and the community are here for you. And i personally will do what i can to help
                  • Friendly Friendly x 1
                  • May 17, 2014
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                    You're a pretty cool guy Killer. I wish you the best
                    • Friendly Friendly x 1
                    • Apr 18, 2014
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                      Guys, you´re all amazing <333 I can´t even say how thankful i´m for you guys.
                    • Feb 2, 2014
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                      Now I'm just wondering who is gonna tell the story of their life.
                      • Agree Agree x 1
                      • Oct 29, 2010
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                        Hey Carpe, can you keep a secret? . . .
                        meeko, Mar 14, 2015 Last edited by meeko, Mar 14, 2015
                      • Apr 18, 2014
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                        Sorry, but i was with this need to share. Sorry if im boring you.
                        • Like Like x 1
                        • Feb 2, 2014
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                          I just find it curious that overnight everyone wakes up and starts sharing VERY personal stuff about their life one after another. I mean, you do what you want.
                          You're not boring me, Killer. I just don't feel like I should tell you things like "stay strong, you're the best, everything is going to be fine".

                          Besides, I like reading, especially when it's in English.



                          Lol. I don't get it sir Meeko. Would you be the next one to take the plunge?
                          • Agree Agree x 2
                          • Informative Informative x 1
                          • Oct 24, 2013
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                            Because sometimes it's nice for people who've gone through bad experiences to share things they too afraid to tell people in their real life.
                            It's not written so much for people to read but as a therapeutic way to reflect on things from the outside. It's a very common practice.
                            The only reason it's not exactly the best place is because we have younger people here who do not comprehend the world that awaits them because they live with their parents.
                            Therefore the ridicule is generally from somebody less mature unable to see somebody is truly struggling and looking for an outlet..
                            And honestly the only way people get over such events is to continuously review it, especially PTSD victims. If somebody is strong enough to say something this personal in a place full of critics who eat sour grapes all day then they're going to be even stronger once they can surpass it.

                            I thought it was obvious that the nerds who play this game are generally loners and loners for a reason, or any videogame too.
                            I don't talk to anybody on my steam friends list and really want any kind of relationship with any of the people here but it is a nice thing to do, when you offer up actual advice.
                            Your point of saying cliche supportive advice is correct though, simplistic sayings like that offer nothing of value but are a nice sentiment.
                            • Winner Winner x 2
                            • Agree Agree x 1
                            • Wizard! Wizard! x 1
                            • Oct 29, 2010
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                              Only for you.

                              Have a seat my friend, let me share you my life story. . .
                              • Like Like x 1