I'm not a rank whore and I don't claim to be 1337, but I've been playing CS and Zombie on and off for years. I get tired of seeing an endless stream of clueless players who spend most of every round trying to jump up on a box, knifing barricades, and generally dying and bitching a lot. To make matters worse, those who do know what they're doing tend to be assholes about helping other players or revealing map secrets. I can't detail everything you need to know since most of it comes from long hours of experience with the maps, but I can try to explain what you need to reach a respectable level of competence. The first thing you should do is start up your own 'sandbox' server with a random zombie map to practice these tips on. Give it a password so you'll be left alone. Add some bots if you want. Better yet, invite buddies who won't be trying to frag/lol you every chance they get, and experiment. Crouch (Duck) Jumping: There are three different keys that need to be pressed at about the same time to get up on those annoying crates and obstacles that are about the same height as you. I mapped left shift to crouch to make this a bit easier. While holding down W (forward), hit your crouch and hold it a split second BEFORE jumping. I know it's counter-intuitive, but the reason it works is due to the way the HL physics engine handles height. When you crouch it does not lower your height from the top down. Instead it shrinks it from the bottom up. Think of it as pulling your legs up under you. This also takes a bit of time to animate, so if you hit your crouch at exactly the same time you jump (or with a key macro) you almost never get your legs up in time to get a toe hold on the edge of the obstacle. Guns: Lose your favorite weapons from other games like regular CS. Get an MP5 (KM sub-machine gun) and a Deagle pistol (Night Hawk .50 cal) every round. Both are available to CT and T. Save them in your buy menu. Trust me, you'll suck a lot less. These are the most accurate and therefore highest DPS in the current version. Yes, rifles do more damage per bullet but have a slower rate of fire and aren't nearly as accurate with spray-n-pray. Yes, auto snipers and auto shotties have certain advantages... and distinct disadvantages too. I'm focusing on the basics here. You want the best combination of accuracy, damage, and knockback for survivability in almost any situation. Practice shooting at a wall or something and pay attention to two things at various distances: spread and climb. Spread is how big a circle your bullets make on auto fire, including a certain amount of left/right jerking. The MP5 has excellent control. Try other weapons and compare, you'll see what I mean. Climb is the habit of a weapon to jerk up a little with each bullet fired due to recoil, causing your aim to - wait for it - climb. Again, the MP5 has a low amount vertical movement. With a standard crosshair graphic and continuous fire, most of your rounds will hit inside and around the top vertical line. Use that to aim on full auto. Crouch to increase accuracy: spread and climb will shrink a bit more toward the bottom of the top crosshair line, even at long range. Predictably, accuracy gets worse on the move including moving platforms and vehicles, but not so bad that you can't hit anything. As for the Deagle (Desert Eagle from earlier versions), it's very accurate but has a much slower rate of fire. You can crouch and do long-distance sniping. It does a lot of damage, and has good knockback. With any weapon always try to get head shots.. Knockback and damage are much better; body shots only slow them down some. With the MP5 on full auto, that means put the center of the crosshair on the chest area so that most of your rounds will hit the head due to climb at medium range. This is why the MP5 is a superior weapon for beginners due to its accuracy. The P90 may have a higher rate of fire and better knockback, but it's not nearly as accurate. Once you get used to being able to actually hit a moving zombie with reasonable accuracy, you'll find you aren't such an easy target and your score will improve. Stacking: Humans and especially zombies need to get the hang of this. Here are the basic rules: 1) Players on both sides, regardless of what the skin looks like, have the same standing height as those annoying boxes you learned to crouch jump on. Blocking or idle players can usually be gotten past this way; they don't have to crouch unless something like a doorway or a low ceiling is over them. 2) Two is the maximum height of a player stack. If you try three, the top player cannot jump or launch themselves from the one below. 3) The maximum jumping height can be increased to more than two standing heights with coordinated stack jumping. This is how zombies can boost up on obstacles they couldn't otherwise climb like big red storage crates and white trucks. First, both should be fully standing with the booster looking straight up. The top player jumps, and the booster waits until the other player is just about at the top of their jump height and THEN jumps. Randomly bouncing on each other almost never works. If the timing is right, the booster will come up under the boostee just long enough for them to get a second short crouch hop. If you don't get the glory for the kill, good players will acknowledge each other's skills and usually return the favor later. Cade breaking: As a zombie, nothing is more retarded than mindlessly knifing at obstacles. Stop it. You'll only nudge movable objects like soda machines a tiny bit and get yourself stuck, which blocks better zombies from doing their job and makes you an easy bullet target. Find your E key, or whatever you have 'use' mapped to. I promise this is the coolest shit ever once you know how it works. In most situations, holding down E will slowly pull a movable object toward you from a short range. Certain maps have different physics defined so this is not always the case, but most of the time you can duck weapons fire behind a barricade and pull things out. This is where half zombies and flat (crouching) emo chicks have a big advantage. Note that only one zombie should be doing this at a time. If two or more use E on something, it usually pushes or cancels out the other or something you probably don't want. Make sure you keep a distance of about arms length away and inch back with it so you don't get stuck. Two or more zombies using E to push rather than pull is also a good way to just force your way in rather than pull things out, though. Failing that, there are other effective ways to topple a cade. If you use the E key from above or below a movable object, it has a very dramatic pushing effect. This is due to the (still) buggy physics engine trying to repel objects from players and prevent them from getting stuck (glitching) into each other. This can be exploited in interesting ways. One is by jumping or stacking to get height above something, looking down at the object, and holding down the E key to shove it away. Bouncing and crouching can help but it's important to keep your crosshair on it. Sometimes this even works through walls and fences if the range is right. Keep in mind that lots of stuff piled up isn't all going to move at once, so you'll have to work harder at it. Another exploit is to get a running crouch jump and again look down at the barricade object(s) while holding down E in midair. Other zombies need to be out of the way. If you have sufficient momentum and your head doesn't hit something like the top of a door frame and the engine can't move everything out of your way, you'll glitch right through it. Note that this can get you stuck but it also might put you in range to knife someone. If nothing else they'll all WTF and concentrate on you, allowing someone else a better chance to slip in. A third use is to simply move things around in ways that shooting or pulling won't help with, like building a better barricade. A bookcase or even a soda machine can be flipped up/over if you stand on it, look down, crouch jump and hold E. It takes a lot of practice and doesn't always work, but when it does you get to look like a pro. Or at least maybe survive the round. Other notes for humans: STAY AWAY from barricades, entrances, windows, and edges of platforms. Don't be a kill whore. Don't think you can jump or move away just in time. You're going to get knifed. This is by far the most common and stupid mistake I constantly see. Grenades are almost always a bad idea unless you know exactly when and where to throw them. Even then you're likely to launch a zombie the wrong way (into you or someone nearby), wreck a cade, or just waste trigger time. Just say no and rely on your gun accuracy. Resist the temptation to run straight to wherever another human did well last round. Lots of other idiots will have the same idea and invariably fuck it up. Just keep it in mind and try it on another round. Other notes for zombies: Most kids who play online games lack patience. At best they have about a 10-20 second attention span, then they get fidgety, bored, and mouthy... and start taking stupid risks. Learn to hide just out of sight and wait. One of them is likely to make a fatal mistake within less than thirty seconds. Although this works best alone, a rowdy mob of zombies will also draw most of their attention and allow you to do something else unnoticed. Fried Maggot also posted excellent tips on being sneaky: http://plaguefest.com/index.php?showtopic=2319 If you don't like being a zombie most of the time, try out different zombie types (!zmenu or !zclass). Figure out what works best for your playing style and skill level. It'll make things more interesting for you and less predictable for camping humans. Don't forget you can switch types during a round for different situations if you're repeatedly getting killed. A little extra speed, endurance, or a lower profile can often make a big difference. --- The rest is just running the same maps repeatedly and watching other players to see what works... or what doesn't. Since not many people are going to take time to read this, most players supposedly on your side are always going to be a liability even if they're trying to follow all the server (and common sense) rules. Once you become a better player yourself try to be patient with them and explain things even if they probably won't listen and don't care. If the average skill of all players improves just a little, the general frustration levels and effective cooperation on both sides will also improve. That's why I took the time to write all this. Hope it helps, and have fun.